I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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