Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
