I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
