New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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