I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
