I think I won the penis lottery.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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