she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
