If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
