I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
