You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
