We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize