My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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