Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
