I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize