I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
