If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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