At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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