Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
