Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
