ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
