Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize