Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
