I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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