I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
