He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I know her cup size but not her name....
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
