Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i think i just lost a toe
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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