My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
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