Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
