I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
