yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Michael Bay diarrhea
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
