is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize