I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Panties = found
Randomize
