when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Randomize