This dress was meant to end up on your floor
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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