some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize