I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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