Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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