): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
