thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize