dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
