i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
