Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
