Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
