His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
