My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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