Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
