I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
