Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize