I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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