Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
