girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
