Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
