dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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