this beer tastes like vomit already
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
