didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
