I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She bit a glass in half.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
