So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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