sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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