Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
