Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
