if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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