You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We are all done wearing pants today
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
