you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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