my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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