I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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