The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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