it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
