At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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