Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
