We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
